RR: Scattered thoughts

At times like this, I feel like my thoughts are speeding automobiles running on a wild racetrack, while my logical processes are the photographers trying to frame a good shot. My mind thinks too many thoughts at a time; my consciousness can only capture so much. And at the finish line, many are blurred, lost, forgotten.

I haven’t written something, anything, for so long.

I am no longer certain if I can still find the words and phrases to fit together the thoughts and rants that float in my mind. Unstable, incoherent, irresolute. Random fragments and broken reveries instead of wholeness and definitive purpose.

This is me right now.

Jaded.
Exhausted.

Wondering where, between then and now, I did something wrong.

Lost.
Forgotten.

Amidst a world that is forever in flux, where I hang on precariously for dear life.

Furious.
Indignant.

Bitter against the thrashing of fate.

Hopeless,
Hopeful.

I try. But not enough, no. Never enough to satisfy.


Thinking,

if writing reflected the author’s state of existence, then perhaps I am doomed never again to write with wholeness of being and sensible purpose.

I feel reborn into an HD world, like everything’s at least a thousand ppi. I see further from the path, the distance frozen into frames of the smallest ISO at the narrowest aperture, with infinite light enabling the quickest shutter speed—the sharpest, clearest, queerest feeling I’ve ever had.

So this is how it feels, huh.

Intensely furious thoughts running rampage in my body,
seeking a means to perforate through my trembling skin and brittle bones, splattering a frenzied gush of boiling blood to burn your wickedness in its escape.

What do you want your life to be in 5 years? #ask

I want fragments of my life to be scattered in many different places, not as a broken person, but as an individual that has left footprints in the sand and given beautiful memories to people.


I might be working by that time, but travelling will always be a part of my summer. I will work hard to get to the places I’ve always wanted to go, because the early twenties is an age for exploration, discovery, and adventures. Though at the same time, I’ll make sure to keep my head in sight of the future, because I seriously don’t want to fail in life (and be homeless and miserable and a flop altogether).